Hillary Clinton and the Cloverfield Monster

No, they actually have nothing to do with each other. Bill Clinton spoke at my school today about Hillary's campaign. I didn't attend the rally; I just saw the line for the rally extending form the University Center past my apartment building and all the way into the street. So after my roommate and I ran out to interview some folks for Mercer99, we recorded a video review of the movie Cloverfield. Unfortunately, because I don't have a 4:4 Firewire cable, I can't import the video without it looking terrible. So until my new cable arrives in the mail, you'll just have to wait for that.


John and I were at Wal-Mart earlier today to look for said cable (which obviously wasn't there), as well as a few groceries. We had a total of eight items between us, so we headed over to the "10 Items or Less," or "Speedy Checkout" lane. In front of us was a woman who I can only assume was making purchases for three separate people, since she had 29 items in her cart. And for some reason, the cashier served her anyway.

I've decided I have a new mission in life. I'm going to have a stamp custom-made with the phrase, "You are not special" written on it backwards. I will go around to people who do things like bring nearly 30 items to the express checkout and slap the stamp on their foreheads. Then, after I get yelled at and the person threatens to file a lawsuit, he or she will go to the bathroom to wash his or her face. That's when the person will look in the mirror and maybe get some perspective in life.

There are certain people who will get this stamp, including (but not limited to):

• People who believe low-wage jobs are easy.
• Everybody who says they like caviar (they're all lying).
• People who double park so nobody will park next to their cars.
• The current president of the Student Government.
• People who think they can shove their Master's Degree in my face to make me feel small (that's another story).
  
• Every politician.
  
• Anyone who thinks revving their car engine is cool.
  

I could go on, but I think this is less funny than I initially intended. Don't worry. The video movie review is great. I'll give you a hint about what's in it: Do you like Luke Perry? Yeah, it would be awesome if he were in the video.

EDIT: I have just been informed that the parking practice I was referring to is actually called "straddling," that is, when someone parks over the line of a parking space.