Territorial Dispute

Many people know that the Southeast is suffering from a water crisis. Much of the region has been in a drought for over a year, so you could say that we're getting a little thirsty down here. My home state of Georgia has an ample supply of lake and groundwater, but it's being split up among us, Florida, and Alabama. So our choices are to either use less water or find more sources. Anyone who lives in the Atlanta area knows that it's undergoing rapid economic development and experiencing an influx of people moving in from out-of-state. All this uses water, so the first option isn't really viable.

Georgia's been looking for more water since long before the drought. We thought we found some in South Carolina, but it turned out to be a mirage. Then there was insane former Macon Mayor "C. Jack" Ellis' idea to deliver some of Middle Georgia's groundwater to Atlanta in trucks. Finally, I found a stranger-than-fiction story in last month's Atlanta Magazine (yeah yeah, I'm behind the times; sue me). The Tennessee River (made famous by the popular country song of the same name) runs through Alabama and, you guessed it, Tennessee. The river comes pretty close to Georgia, barely missing it's northern border. And the state government wants a taste.

See, Georgia's official border was drawn in 1818, and redrawn in 1823. And as it turns out, the guy hired to map it got his math wrong. as a result, Georgia is 1.1 miles shorter lengthwise than it's supposed to be. If the calculations had been made correctly, we'd have our own piece of the Tennessee River to mooch from...I mean utilize.

After kicking itself for not realizing this sooner, Georgia's legislature made a ridiculous, yet ballsy move: it asked Tennessee for those missing 1.1 miles. Can you imagine the conversation the representatives must have had with each other?

Georgia: Hey, Tennessee, my man! What's up?
Tennessee: Georgia! Boy, it's been a long time since we've gotten together like this. How've you been?
Georgia: Oh, not bad, not bad. Well, we do have this one problem, you know, with the water.
Tennessee: Ooh, right, I heard about that. Tough break. We'd help you out, but -
Georgia: -Actually, you can help. See, remember that mile or so of land we accidentally dropped on your floor about 185 years ago?
Tennessee: Heh heh, oh yeah. Man, that was one wild party.
Georgia: Yeah, see, it has a pretty important piece of river in it, and we kind of need it back.
Tennessee: ...
Georgia: So...yeah...you can just drop that off whenever.
Tennessee: Get the #&$% out of my office.

So as it turns out, we're actually going to court over this. It's like the entire state has become a metaphor for the stereotypical redneck ex-couple fighting over possession of a rusty 1979 Ford Bronco with no tires. Sure, we didn't need it before, but now that we're appealing to new people, we need a sophisticated place to wine and dine. Seriously, doesn't the world already see the South as being backwards enough as it is?