I Will Burn Down Los Angeles

You may remember a previous post I made about the upcoming abomination Disaster Movie, in which I threatened various acts of violence against its directors. That was immature and probably unwarranted, but hey, I was upset, and I never made any claims to being mature, anyway.

Just as my rage was beginning to subside, I saw an announcement for an upcoming movie entitled Crossroads 2 on the TV Guide channel. Now I know what you're thinking: "Crossroads 2? I don't even know what Crossroads is!" And that's good. Because Crossroads was a 2002 movie starring BRITNEY #@!&ing SPEARS! It's a movie that was better off as a faded memory, resting in unreachable areas of the collective subconscious, but Hollywood just won't let it die!

When I saw the announcement, the first thoughts that came to mind were along these lines:

"Oh God. Oh Holy Mother of God. No. No. NO! NonononononononononononoNO!" I REFUSE to live in a reality where Britney Spears is in more movies! Somebody better $%&#ing restrain me, because Lord knows what might happen if I get anywhere near the kitchen knives or anything flammable! You will pay for this, Hollywood! I will summon the GODS AND DEMONS OF MOVIES TO COME FORTH FROM THEIR KINGDOM AND SMITE ALL OF HOLLYWOOD AND THE EVIL IT HAS SPAWNED. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!"

...and then I blacked out for a while. I...I need to be alone now. Right after a trip to the liquor store.