War on Christmas: The Aftermath

It's a weird time of year. The big winter holidays are over, and it's not close enough to Valentine's Day that retailers can make a profit from it. We've now entered what I call "Return Season," where everyone exchanges the lame gifts they received from misguided relatives (like "Camp Rock" MP3 players) for cool ones (like "Hannah Montana" MP3 players).

One thing I've noticed during my admittedly short time in retail is that many people don't fully understand the processes involved in making a return. This is especially true in the electronics department, where I work. So I've decided to put together a little something called:

The Post-Holiday Electronics Return Guide

• Keep the receipt - While some companies will take a return for store credit without one, things will go much faster if you have a receipt.
  
• Do your research - If you like what you have, but would like an accessory such as an A/C adapter, figure out exactly what you need ahead of time. There are a plethora of websites out there that have the specs for just about anything you can plug into a wall. If you've done your research and still don't know what you need, bring the product in the store with you. Really! It's okay! What's not okay is to come in and ask for an "adapter" without specifying what it's for. There are approximately 80,000 different adapters in the world, and most of them work for different things.
• Keep the receipt - Just in case it wasn't clear before.
• We are not tech support - While it's true that a few people who sell electronics know more about them than the average Joe, we don't know everything. If your camera or printer has stopped working, for the love of God, call the manufacturer. It's amazing how many customers live under the delusion that we have a factory with magical elves in the stock room where we make the products and check each one individually.
  
• Keep the stupid receipt!! - Seriously, it's just a piece of paper. It doesn't take up that much room.
  
• You are not special - You can't return an expensive piece of electronics just because you've tried it out and decided you don't like it. That goes for DVDs, CDs, and video games, too. Again, do your research. A lady came in the other day with a DVD she watched recently, and wanted to make an exchange because she didn't like the story. Apparently she's never heard of Blockbuster, Netflix, or MovieStop.
  
• No, you may not open the package - Most retailers will not take a return if the package has been opened (unless, of course the product is broken). This means that you cannot open a box to see what somethign looks like. Nobody cares that you bought something that goes with whatever you're opening (see the previous bullet).
  
• Sweet Jesus, will you just keep the @#&*% receipt?! See, when you first buy something, you get a magical piece of paper. This special paper is just like a wizard's wand; when you use it, it takes someting you don't want and transforms it into something you do want! And the best part is, you can fit it in your wallet or purse, where it's with you all the time, yet conveniently out of the way! It's AMAZING!